Hey boys and girls, it's time for a new installment of "Caption This."
Leave a caption for this picture. In a day or so I'll throw the submissions into a head to head vote and the winner will receive bathroom lights a fantastic fake prize handpicked by me!
Thursday, December 3
Caption This Contest
Wednesday, December 2
Stuck In Low Gear
I seem to be stuck in low gear today. I can't get moving. Can't plan anything to do. I haven't even fed the poor dog yet. It started early this morning with a small panic attack and I can't seem to shake having had it.
This sucks.
I know.. I'll play some Robbie!!!!
Back again. That helped. For about half an hour.. *sigh* I did feed the dog, though.
Monday, November 30
Heads Or Tails - Proud
There are a lot of people, places and things I've been proud of in my life. I suppose the one that's lacking is pride in myself. I'm workin' on it, though.
Today I decided I would 'exercise' to just one song. As a start. Better than no start at all. I found my favorite Robbie Williams video on YouTube and vigorously marched in place to it. I'm embarrassed to admit I was winded before the five and a half minute video was over. I didn't quit, though. I will do this every day. I'll add more when I can.
I've made a slow start on eating less, too. Very slow. I now eat half of what I normally would eat. My sandwich for lunch became half a sandwich. No chips of course. I will add more changes as I get used to things. If I go too fast on all this, I will fail.
--------
Do you exercise? Do you have any tips to help me learn how to burn fat?
--------
I've watched American Idol every season except for the first two. I had such hope for Taylor Hicks after he won. It seems he's faded off into obscurity.
"I've learned to love myself in spite of me,
And I've learned to walk on the road I believe."
Now What To Do?
I normally don't pay a lot of attention to my weekly SiteMeter reports but I was bored today so I gave it more than a passing glance. Average visits per day 69? Who ARE all you people??? Anilox cleaner salesmen? LURKERS?
Ok. This took ten minutes to post. Including finding the clipart. Now what to do? *Laugh*
Visits
Total ....................... 34,469
Average per Day ................. 69
Average Visit Length .......... 2:24
This Week ...................... 480
How much attention do you give your blog statistics?
Sunday, November 29
Something Has To Change
I said a couple posts ago that I was reluctant to post the picture of me and Granddaughter taking a nap together because it showed my fatness. OK.. call it like it is.. obesity. The truth of the matter is that had it been an old fashioned photo on paper I most likely would have ripped it to shreds and thrown it away.
Instead I keep coming back and looking at it. Kind of like rubbernecking a car accident. I don't want to see what is there.. but I can't help it.
Sure it's 'what's on the inside that counts'. That's what they say, right? Well, I'm pretty much ok with my insides. Except for the mental health issues of course. Basically I think I'm a pretty nice person. BUT, oh my God. The weight.
That picture was like a slap in my face. A big ol' wake up slap. I sat here and cried my eyes out yesterday. I saw how terribly close I am to being as large as those women who have to have walls cut out so they can be taken to a hospital. Richard Simmons used to do that for people.
I don't wear my jeans anymore because they no longer fit. The jeans I was so proud to get earlier this year. I'm most comfortable staying in my nightgown because it is loose and doesn't bind anywhere. When I'm not wearing it, it's back to the old elastic waist pants I hate.
I have no energy. I had been fooling myself into believing is was the depression and some of it may be from that. But some is from my weight, too. If I was 'normal' weight and had to carry around a 100+ pound brick all day I sure would be tired. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't even be able to pick it up yet I expect my body to do it day in and day out. It's easier to just sit.
Something has to change. Carefully, methodically, consistently. Maybe I could read up on healthy eating habits at Amazon books.
I had a lot more to say. I forgot what it was. Maybe next post.
Saturday, November 28
Picture A Five Year Old
My daughter and one of my granddaughters were here for Thanksgiving. They left yesterday and the house is so quiet now. Picture a five year old saying "Grandma" one hundred times a minute. I hope the fact that I answered her almost all those times will be something she'll remember.
While she was here I called my mom who lives in Florida so they could talk. Granddaughter thinks her Great Gran lives with Mickey Mouse so I bet thoughts of orlando vacations were dancing through her head.
Here are some pictures I took -
Showing off a craft project she did.
wraps with my daughter.
Sleeping in the loft.
Breaking up cornbread for the stuffing.
Posing on the ladder to the loft.
Friday, November 27
Oink Oink
Who else besides me ate like a pig yesterday? Raise your hands. Put down the plate of leftovers first.
We made a 22 pound turkey with extra stuffing. Mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, deviled eggs.. everything you would expect and look forward to. Of course the best part was being surrounded by some of my family.
Ordinarily I would never (ever) post a picture of me like the one below. (Looks like I need a lot of fat burners, huh?) All I see is how terribly obese I am. Mr. Skittles and Daughter just saw how cute it was that Granddaughter and I were taking a nap together. I could joke and swear I was a size 12 before I ate dinner... I almost can't stand to look at it. *UGH* Oink Oink. This is what 275 pounds looks like folks.
Wednesday, November 25
The Day Before
The traditional gathering of family across the state didn't work out this year. To be honest, I couldn't go because I'm stuck in the house with panic attacks again. The others had scheduling problems, I think.
Me and Mr. Skittles (a.k.a. Mike's Cell) always cooked a traditional dinner the day after anyway. It's all about tons of leftovers here. We really never do get tired of them. Tomorrow we'll be cooking. Mr. Skittles did the shopping for us. With a list from me, of course. *Smile*
My daughter is driving over today and is bringing my five year old granddaughter with her. This will be the first time out of many that she isn't coming to help. She's been here a lot over the last few months to help pack & move, then to help me when I got poisoned from a med. She'd walk the dog and run to the store for me. (Since we're smoking again let's not forget the all important trips to pick up ciggies for me and Swisher Sweets type cigars for Mr. Skittles.)
I was just reading over what I've written here and saw how much I depend on others for all things outside. I see how my panic interferes with things so much. I was going to get sad about it then I remembered this is the week to be thankful. So instead I'll be thankful that I have people who love me enough to help.
Monday, November 23
Heads Or Tails - Soft
I have a secret boyfriend. He calls me when Mr. Skittles is away from home. I know it's him because I see "Mike's Cell" on my Caller ID.
I always answer the phone in a soft, husky voice.. "Hello, Mike's Cell. I thought you'd never call."
I wonder how he knows when Mr. Skittles isn't here, though. Hmmm...
The Last Three Weeks
Mr. Skittles has gone back to work today after a three week layoff. With him only working three days this week before the Thanksgiving holiday though the time will fly by. More so for me than for him probably. This is a big switch from how things were before his layoff.
Before his layoff I was a blubbering mess. I couldn't think. I couldn't do the most basic things for myself or around the house. Before his layoff we were thinking about finding a new home for our dog.
A few days into the layoff I got put on a new psyche med. I'm sure that has a lot to do with how things have changed for me. Maybe I just entered an extended manic phase where I thought I was better. I think I think too much. Either way I know I've improved.
I feel closer than ever to Mr. Skittles. (That may have something to do with the Robbie videos. Just kidding.) I mean in that I can let him not be totally my everything. For example, I don't go all twitchy if he runs to the store. This takes a lot of pressure off him.
We were able to take a short vacation. Not to check out Blue Cross North Carolina but to Pennsylvania to visit the 9/11 crash site of Flight 93 and to meet our friend Jeni. Both were memorable in their own ways.
We have stairs so I can let the dog out without fear of panic. That's a biggie. My desktop has died but I'm thankful to have my laptop. Mr. Skittles is going to try a nondestructive reload on the desktop.
We watched several movies. Painted the hallway. I've returned to blogging.
I'm not saying everything has been peachy keen, either. I'M not peachy keen. I still have a lot of panic inside that will come roaring out if I push myself. I still get overly emotional about some things.
On my med review this last Saturday I was kept on the same meds and at the same doses. I was able to express my views and that was a good thing.
Sunday, November 22
As For Myself
Did you ever get so frustrated that you wish you could flip somebody off? I'm not talking about rude drivers or agents giving you insurance quotes that are too high, either. I'm talking about people you know. Of course you can't do that because you won't always be frustrated with that person and flipping them off will not help one bit.
So what do we do with the frustration? As for myself, I write a very quick and vague blog post and hope to relieve some of the pent up feelings.
What do YOU do?
Saturday, November 21
Camera Critters - Hannah At 11 Months
Hannah is 11 months old now and loves to go for car rides. She's decided she's the navigator, too. She sticks her head out the moon roof to see where we're going.
Friday, November 20
Missing The Desktop
If only I could get some affordable health insurance for my ailing desktop. Even though I have my laptop to keep me from sitting in the corner all twitchy I sure miss the desktop. If we can't get it fixed, I may have to resign myself to the laptop being my primary and/or sole computer. Sheesh. I should be thankful, right? That I have a second computer?
-------
Credit for the Horton funny below this post goes to Smalltown RN who sent it to me in an email. I forgot to thank her for it.
Thursday, November 19
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
